Today it’s been 6 months
since my fourth operation in the right knee and 2 years since the accident. 2
years! Oh my, who would have thought? And my god had I known it would have
taken this long, I might just have given up right at the beginning. Luckily
time is a relative thing and as I look back the past years have passed by quite
quickly. And despite the difficult moments this period of time have brought to
me some valuable insight I don’t think I would have gained had I been able to
live the life I was planning to live 2 years back in time.
This has been the fight of
my life – so far. Not only to regain my gait and liberty of free movement, but
to hold on to the essentials of me. To momentarily lose faith and strength to
keep on fighting is a ground-moving experience, and sometimes what a human
needs to put life and things in perspective. I have seen into the real me,
peeling off all the different roles I play in life, all my minds tricks and all
my earthly desires. Momentarily everything in my life was clear and had a
purpose. I felt free and happy and free from guilt and sorrow. I felt the
warmth and light shining upon me and I was smiling.
I accepted that I might not
be able to hike ever again because I saw that my life could still be full of
happiness despite my bodily restrictions. I am surrounded by gifts of life,
that I was ignoring because of my own self-pity. I my self was responsible of
feeling sorrow, because I was assuming how it all would end. But for what
purpose really?
These are all hind sight
thoughts and realizations. I can see know that by the time I fully accepted my
situation I started to progress. I am in a steady and stabil rehab pattern of
fitness, physiotherapy, biking, hiking and yoga. And today - 3 months before the first DEFY Patagonia
group - my realistic and groundbound PT
is supporting me in preparing me to receive and walk the strenuous trek with
this group. This has been and is still my primary goal of all my hard work of
rehab, but today the difference is that I will also be happy to stay back and
keep working on my progress to actually reach a near perfect knee. It will be
ok. And for that reason I know I will be ready.
This is a very crucial time
for me. I have worked my way back to living a respectable and normal life. But
my final goal is far beyond this point. Now I must hold back a bit, not obeying
the mind that feels my body in a perfect stage. Because it is not. I still lack
quite a bit of work to be as fit as possible for a responsible and adequate
physical state to walk for many hours, with 20-25 kg on my back in a very
unstable and varied terrain. It’s not an easy goal to aim for. Of this I have
been warned many times, but I believe it to be within reach. It depends on only
me.
I celebrated this day with
a backpack hike near the Milodon Cave. 6 km walking on rocks, gravel, within
humid caves and on soft grass. A bit up and down but otherwise straight ahead.
I had been exited for over a week, as this was to be my very first official
trekking outing conmemorating the operation and my physical and mental state 6
months ago. I am surpassed it and I was smiling for the entire 3 hours we
spent, Luis and I, in the Natural Monument of the Milodon Cave. Afterwards I
felt physically tired. Very tired and my knee was sore. After 20 minuts of ice
the knee was feeling no irritation or soreness. It was fine!! What a big day.
Needless to say that from
this point onwards hiking will be part of my progressing rehab focusing on
always gaining more confidence and strength.
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