Being in the middle of telling you
about the Torres del Paine Expedition, I need to tell you about more recent
matters. Even though you don’t know the end of the expedition yet I must break
to you that I was not able to finish it (but be excited to read about the 9
days lost in the wilderness later on). There was no accident or other
unforeseen events, just an ongoing battle between my heart and my mind during
the entity of the expedition that finally had a winner. After 1 whole year of absence from the mountain,
and from strenuous exercises in general, I quickly became aware of the difference
in my strength and endurance. In spite of a very dedicated and focused rehab
and preparations towards the expeditions, my body was to my surprise very weak,
and I had a lot of difficulties in just walking with my backpack. But a mixture
of pride, willpower and the comparison with the pre-op dorthe just a year ago,
forced me to not accept that this was too big of a mouthful. See I wanted to
keep on but eventually realized that it would be very dangerous to continue
with the knee feeling more and more tired and worn out for every day.
So after 9 incredible days my
partner Bondig reacted to the first insecurity I mumbled out, and we agreed to
head back to Puerto Natales and get some important rest and access to better care
for the knee. This was October 14. Since then I have not been able to walk
without pain and irritation in the area close to my repaired meniscus. 3 weeks of rest and uncertainty when finally
I was ordered an MRI scanning that discarded major internal damages. Then 3
more weeks with light exercises, massages, kinotherapy, a lot of stretching and
heat/ cold treatments before I yesterday was able to get a (actually 2) medical
statements that, even though completely different, both are heading towards a
new operation. One of them even told me to start to forget about the mountains.
“You will probably never be able to walk in them again”. Wow that was new but
to be honest not that surprising. If you could see into my knee you would immediately
notice the absence of all the cushioning parts (cartilages) leaving the bones
in direct friction whenever I bend my knee. That makes me either way you put it
a future arthritis victim. But it was not what I had been told before, and I
had up till that moment clung onto the hope that the knee would be a 90% as opposed
to the approx. 85% it was prior to the operation. Now it seems I should be
lucky if I get to 75%.
What a major bummer. And for a while I really found it unfair – I actually
still do. I felt that the road I have chosen and the life I have fought for all
of the sudden was being taken away. That the castle I was working my way
towards had been torn down right in front of me. I can’t understand why what I really love to
do is being taken away from me? Unfortunately this is not one of these stories
where I with hard work and willpower will contradict the doctor’s word and you
will find me running from mountain top to mountain top within a few months. If I do I will just
apply more stress on the bones and cause myself more pain and cut time off
towards the inevitable: a life with anthritis.
I have been down, but am on the
way back up. I do not believe that I will never make it back up in the
mountains. I have just to lower the bar because I have a bad and worn out knee –
which I myself have inflicted having played soccer as a teen. But I believe
despite it all that my knee can get better. Free from the pressure of fixed
deadlines I have decided to take the time and put in the energy (once again) necessary
to recover. I know what to do and are willing to fight back.
Have you ever had any experience
with a knee having had 3 partial meniscectomies, 1 meniscus repair, a ACL reconstruction and a diagnosed kneecap ulcer at the last stage (chondromalacia patella
grade 4). I am interested to know any happy-ending stories….
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